What Are Group Norms, and Why Do They Matter?

Norms are the unwritten rules that shape how people behave in groups. While they help things run smoothly, they can also be confusing or leave people out. Group norms are a subset of social norms that apply to a specific group. Unlike broader social norms, group norms can be openly discussed and agreed upon by everyone involved. This makes them a valuable tool for creating more inclusive spaces.

So, how can we make group norms more welcoming for neurodivergent people?

For this discussion,  I’m using the term “neurodivergent” as a shorthand for folks who are Autistic, AuDHD, ADHD, or hold other similar identities. However, “neurodivergent” is an umbrella term that covers a vast number of identities, and can include things such as bipolarity, trauma, chronic illness, and acquired brain injury. Regardless of identity or diagnosis, some people may choose to identify as neurodivergent, while others may not. This freedom of self-identification is a norm within the Neurodiversity Movement.

Navigating group and social norms can be especially stressful for neurodivergent people. Have you ever felt drained after socializing? Or maybe you have misread a social cue or felt left out without understanding why? One reason this happens is that neurotypical social norms can be inconsistent—sometimes people expect you to read between the lines, while other times they mean exactly what they say. Imagine someone says: “I’m hungry and thinking about getting lunch.” Sometimes, that’s an invitation to join, and sometimes it’s just a statement. That uncertainty can be exhausting to navigate.

While everyone faces social challenges at times, neurodivergent people generally experience social distress more intensely and more frequently. This persistent source of distress can contribute significantly to mental health concerns.

Impact of Norms on Social Identity and Mental Health for Neurodivergent People

Much of our sense of identity and self-worth is shaped by the norms of the groups we belong to, and by the broader society around us. When neurodivergent people are part of communities that embrace and celebrate neurodiversity, we experience greater self-esteem and emotional well-being, which helps protect against things like depression and stress.

However, mainstream social norms often reinforce neuronormativity—the assumption that thinking and behaving in neurotypical ways is “normal” or preferable. This creates stigma and pressure for neurodivergent people to mask their true selves, which can also take a serious toll on mental health. 

On the other hand, when neurodivergent people experience genuine acceptance—from society, family, friends, and even ourselves—it can counter the harmful effects of neuronormative culture. Shifting societal norms toward inclusion and affirmation of neurodivergence is essential for improving mental health outcomes.

This isn’t just my perspective—research backs it up. I want to talk about two studies that explore the powerful connection between identity, acceptance, and mental health for Autistic people, while also noting that there is limited or nonexistent research exploring these experiences for similar neurotypes.

• Social identity, self-esteem, and mental health in autism, Cooper et al. (2017) found that identifying as Autistic wasn’t directly linked to anxiety or depression. Having a strong sense of belonging in the Autistic community (collective self-esteem) and feeling personally good about being Autistic (personal self-esteem) acted as protective factors against mental health struggles. When Autistic people feel accepted and valued within their communities, their overall well-being improves.
• Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults, Cage et al. (2018) examined the impact of autism acceptance from both external (society, family, and friends) and internal (self-acceptance) sources. They found that lower levels of acceptance were linked to higher rates of depression and stress. Notably, personal self-acceptance helped protect against depression, while external acceptance decreased stress levels. Interestingly, anxiety wasn’t directly affected by autism acceptance.

I do want to expand on that last sentence, regarding anxiety not being directly affected by autism acceptance. I, and many others, understand autistic anxiety as fundamentally different from generalized anxiety. We generally see “Autistic Anxiety” as an obvious response to an environment that forces Autistics (and other neurodivergent people) to constantly adapt, often at great emotional and cognitive cost. 

Bluntly, “acceptance” of differences does not equate to intentionally creating inclusive environments. The solution isn’t more coping strategies; it’s also changing both physical environments and sources of systemic injustice to be more accessible and inclusive. One way we can do that is through the practice of intentionally setting group norms.

Setting Group Norms as Social Justice Activism

Unspoken norms harm marginalized groups, including neurodivergent people. While we may not entirely eliminate harmful norms, we can challenge them by intentionally creating inclusive group spaces.

By setting clear group norms from the start—and revisiting them regularly—we can create safer, more welcoming environments. This practice isn’t just for formal settings; it can be applied to any group, whether it’s a friendship, a family, or a book club.

When we openly discuss needs and expectations, we normalize the idea that everyone benefits from support and accommodations. This type of activism can influence larger societal norms and make spaces more inclusive for everyone. 

Recognizing Ableism in Group Norms

Ableism is discrimination against disabled people, including neurodivergent people. It shows up in stereotypes, stigma, and barriers in education, work, and social life. We may face exclusion, misunderstandings, and pressures to conform to neurotypical norms, or “neuronormativity.” 

We have already discussed how the pressures of neuronormativity can contribute to mental health challenges like anxiety or depression. Ableism is a core feature of neuronormativity. Systemic ableism invalidates our needs for support and accommodation, which can foster internalized ableism, where people may feel their neurodivergent traits are “wrong.”

Recognizing ableism in group norms is the first step toward change. Many norms are shaped by neurotypical expectations, making it harder for neurodivergent people to fully participate.

Neuro-inclusivity in Group Norms

Let’s look at how we can make group norms more inclusive.

Example 1: Common norm: “Make eye contact to show engagement.” Inclusive norm: “Engagement looks different for everyone—listening may include looking away, fidgeting, or doodling.”

Example 2: Common norm: “No interrupting—wait your turn to speak.” Inclusive norm: “We recognize different communication styles. We’ll use tools like chat features, hand-raising, and structured turn-taking to support all participants.”

These examples show how, by making small explicit adjustments, we can create spaces where neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike feel valued and supported.

Sample Neurodivergent-Affirming Group Norms

I’m including some inclusive norms for your consideration below, but these are just a starting point. Every group should have the opportunity to co-create norms that fit their unique needs. When every member of the group actively participates in setting norms, they’re not just more likely to feel ownership and accountability toward them… the norms will reflect the values and needs of the people in the group. After all, that’s the entire point of explicitly defining group norms!

Respect and Inclusion

• Recognize and celebrate different ways of thinking and experiencing the world.
• Avoid assumptions about abilities or needs. Challenge stereotypes.
• Support accommodations that help everyone participate equally.

Communication Safety

• Use “I” statements to share experiences without making assumptions about others.
• Take advantage of exclamations like “ouch” (that statement impacted me) and “oops” (let me say that in a different way) as needed
• Assume good intentions while being mindful of the impact of words.
• Maintain confidentiality to create a safe space.
• Encourage self-advocacy and respect personal boundaries.

Processing Time

• Recognize that people process information at different speeds.
• Anyone can call for a pause to reflect on what was shared.
• Use multiple ways of sharing (e.g., speaking, writing, follow-ups).
• Everyone has the right to pass if they don’t want to share.

Sensory Considerations

• Be mindful of sensory sensitivities and adjust as needed.
• In virtual meetings, mute when not speaking and encourage movement off-screen.
• Create a flexible environment where participation happens at each person’s comfort level.

By being intentional about group norms, we foster environments where all neurotypes feel respected, included, and supported. When we embrace inclusivity in small ways, we contribute to broader social change.

Written by Stacia Langille, a pre-licensed CMHC who practices neurodivergent-affirming care through a lens inspired by Transfeminist and Queer theoretical orientations. 

If you’re seeking a mental health space that recognizes neurodivergence as a meaningful part of identity—not something to mask or “fix”—our clinicians are here to support you. Reach out to Balance Mental Health to explore affirming care that honors your needs, your communication style, and your lived experience.

References

Cage, E., Di Monaco, J. & Newell, V. Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults. J Autism Dev Disord 48, 473–484 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3342-7

Cooper, K., Smith, L. G. E., & Russell, A. (2017). Social identity, self-esteem, and mental health in autism. European Journal of Social Psychology, 47(7), 844–854. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2297