Mindfulness – What Does That Even Mean?!
Mindfulness can seem much more confusing than it is! We are bombarded with images of yoga mats, incense, and synthesized nature sounds—and those things are great if you enjoy them. But you don’t need ANY of that to practice mindfulness.
At its core, mindfulness is simply the act of noticing where your attention is without judgment and choosing whether to stay with it or shift elsewhere. When we talk about “grounding,” we mean mindfulness with attention focused on the here and now—the essence of mindfulness. Alternatively, you can also be mindful of a specific concept or experience you’d like to focus on.
The Truth About Mindfulness
A common misconception is that mindfulness means keeping your attention perfectly focused on one thing without distraction. But that’s not the goal! The real skill we’re developing is the ability to notice when our attention has wandered and choose to return to our point of focus. Every time we do that—every time we catch our mind drifting and gently bring it back—we strengthen the neural pathways that support awareness, presence, and self-regulation. As an ADHDer, understanding this concept was key to unlocking the door to my ability to practice mindfulness!
There’s no right or wrong experience here—this isn’t about forcing yourself to feel a certain way. To break it down, here are the steps:
- Notice the thing you are trying to notice.
- Notice that you are noticing the thing you are trying to notice.
- Notice when your attention shifts elsewhere.
- That shift could be a thought, an emotion, a sensation, an image, a sound, or something else entirely. Our sensory systems and internal processes are unique—some of us think in pictures, others in words or internal voices, and many in a mix. There is NO wrong answer here!
- Without judgment, choose to bring your attention back to the thing you are trying to notice.
Challenges of “Without Judgment”
Let’s be real—practicing mindfulness without judgment can be HARD! When I notice my focus wandering, a helpful script I like to use to counteract judgment is: “Oh cool! Another opportunity to practice shifting my focus!”
While you don’t need things like a scented candle and a mantra— that works wonderfully for some! Others may prefer different sensory stims (because, honestly, that’s all essential oil diffusers and warm mugs of tea are—AND that’s super cool!). If heavy metal streaming in your headphones, fidgets, weighted blankets, lava lamps, or verbal stims work for you, that is EQUALLY as valid.
Whatever supports you in mindfulness—whether as the center of your focus or as a way to support grounding yourself to a specific point of focus—is the right way to do it. Just like eating popcorn can create a context that supports your attention while you watch a movie, or having a specific work area can help us focus on homework, (maybe it’s a singular focus like watching waves on a beach) supports and accommodations show up in many different ways. At the core, discovering what works for you is about experimenting, curiosity, and No Judgement!
Mindfulness in Everyday Life
Just two minutes of practice a day helps strengthen neural pathways. You can do it anywhere—standing in line at the grocery store, during an ad break, or whenever you have a moment. One of the easiest ways to practice is by noticing your breath:
- Notice your breath
- Without trying to change it, this isn’t a breathing exercise!
- Notice yourself noticing your breath.
- Notice when your attention shifts elsewhere.
- Gently bring your attention back to your breath
- Without judgment!
- Repeat!
By strengthening our ability to notice where our attention is AND bring it back without judgment, we enhance our ability to stay connected to our authentic selves. This way, we can listen to different parts of ourselves with calmness, curiosity, and compassion, rather than being overwhelmed by them. That is the true power of mindfulness—the ability to operate from our true selves while also being aware of the many internal and external experiences we navigate.
It is often these overwhelming internal and external experiences that can take over, making it difficult to feel in control. This loss of balance is a common theme in conditions such as depression, anxiety, and sensory overwhelm. By cultivating mindfulness, we develop the skills to regain a sense of agency and respond with greater awareness and self-compassion.
The above information is an aggregate understanding of mindfulness from several sources, including IFS, DBT, and neurodiversity-affirming practices, as compiled by Stacia Langille, pre-licensed CMHC.
